|Posted on April 20, 2015 at 3:25 PM|
You are worth something! Don't let anybody tell you you are a good-for-nothing! Your potential is way beyond what you might possibly imagine! God gave you passions and emotions for a reason. Find out what you are passionate about - and go for it! Don't be scared to accept challenges on the way - they only help you grow. Whatever your life experiences may have been - you are loved so much by God He sent His only Son to die for YOU! Let that love fill your heart, grow in you and bear rich fruit. Pass it on to others. God told Adam it was not good for him to be alone. Neither is it for us. Seek the company of others. Life is not about following somebody else's plans, but the one God has set out for you by the way He designed you! Learning and growing does not simply mean passing on traditions and learning things others experienced by heart (that is how our school system works), but helping light the fire in us that brought forth all cultural and technical development. You are never too old to study and grow, neither do you lack the talent for it. All it takes is for you to fell the love - His love - and accept this adventure called life!
|Posted on January 18, 2015 at 9:45 AM|
I guess we’ve all been there. When we faced sexual temptation and fell, we were not the ones to blame of course. “It came over us”, “it was stronger than me”, “I tried but I could not resist”. We are talking about that like kiddies that were unable to resist something big and dangerous over our heads, when we were just too weak in our faith and our will to stand up to temptation. It even gets worse when we blame some program designed to help us. Or some counselor, pastor or brother or sister in Christ for our own inability. On a spiritual basis, Jesus died for us on the Cross so temptation has no power over us anymore. On a more personal and practical basis, it is what it is: We were just too chicken to confront temptation. Giving in was so much easier.
When it happened, let’s face it like real men/women though. No need to play the blame game. At best we can find out under what circumstances we are most prone to fall so we might discern a pattern behind it and prevent future falls. Spiritually, we confess, repent – and move on with our lives. No beating ourselves up, no whining that “we will never make it”. Most especially though no giving up and creating a new theology and worldview that allows us to be weak and even celebrates that.
That is simply pathetic – and we know it.
Nothing “came over us” but ourselves – our biggest enemy.
|Posted on December 23, 2014 at 8:20 AM|
We do not ask anything from those who contact us at Jason and Homosexuals Anonymous but the will to be free. This will is not just an abstract, intellectual thing. It is a will that shows itself in a motivation that keeps you going no matter how hard it is and how long it will be.
However, we are N-O-T another psychotherapy group. If you goal is not freedom, but to keep on whining so others might pity you, go somewhere else. This is for real dudes.
Some guys though seem to be afraid that by acting like a man they might finally become one. So they spend the rest of their lives pitying themselves and going from one psychotherapy to another, constantly whining how hard life is, that nobody loves and/or understands them and how much they hurt. Well, let me tell you one thing: this is real life. You can spend the rest of your days throwing a pity part – or picking up the fight.
If you choose to whine and blame the whole world for your “pain”, do not come to us. You waste your own and our time and energy. It is not the program’s fault, nor the therapist’s, the group’s, your parents’, or anybody else’s but yourself. Your are grown up. Accept responsibility for your life. Some people completely reject any tool that might help them gain freedom – because they might not be able to whine anymore. They will tell you they want to change, but they don’t. They are big babies and need to be treated as such. Unless you force them to get up their butts (like by withdrawing any material or other support for their lives) they will not do a thing to move one step ahead.
Sounds hard – but actually it is for their own best. This group is for real men and women, those who know what they want and seek appropriate help to go and get it. Those who will overcome their fears and go for that one goal – no matter what.
Remember that there is no courage without fear. Cowardice, laziness and self-pity, however, will never get you anywhere.
|Posted on October 9, 2014 at 11:45 AM|
People with unwanted same-sex attractions or sexual problems in general often focus on living a sexually clean and pure life. They make sure all triggers are eliminated and when they hold one another accountable, they would usually bring up all those moments they failed – in thought or actions. Then again, they wonder why they never make any progress, why there is no victory in their struggle.
So what’s wrong with that picture?
In short: A problem will not go away by suppressing it and legitimate needs are not met by ignoring them. Or in other words: You can’t just run away from the bad – you need to run towards the good too.
Yes, we need a good foundation – which means eliminating all triggers in and from our lives. That includes things and people that either arouse us sexually in an inappropriate way or lead us astray so we won’t reach our goal. Contrary to what some might believe, this will not be a mere behavioral change – it can and will have consequences on many different areas of our lives.
However, living a pure and chaste life is a means to a goal – never the goal itself! Even healthy sexuality in a monogamous heterosexual marriage serves a function – it is for the good of the spouses and for procreation of children.
Yes, a celibate life is possible – but it should never stop at not doing something. That sexual energy can and must be used another way so it can bear rich fruit. For some that means increased creativity and socializing, as well as coming up with many ideas on how to do things differently. Find out for yourself what it means to you.
Sexual activity can also numb legitimate needs for a while – like the need for socializing, relationship, affirmation, etc. It can serve as a misguided way to deal with a gender identity disorder. And it can serve as a painkiller to deal with past hurts or unmet family needs (like the love and appreciation of the same-sex parent).
So just cutting down on inappropriate sexual activity and thoughts won’t cut it. Sex does not heal – neither does the elimination thereof.
Besides, if we spend all our energy and time on focusing on what not to do and think, we are reaching the opposite. If I tell you over and over again not to think of a rose elephant – what are you thinking of? Right, even if you haven’t done so for all of your life.
What then is the “good” we are supposed to run towards?
It includes: Working on one’s male/female identity, finding a purpose and meaning in life, living a physically, mentally and spiritually healthy life, finding out about our God-given passions and gifts and using them for His glory, working on our relationships to family members and men and women in general, becoming stress- and frustration-resistant, learning to focus on a goal and going for it no matter what, and finally: dreaming & acting big. Our lives are too short for anything less.
So stop merely avoiding things by trying not to do or think something. Don’t put yourself down forever and ever if you fall, but rather stand up again, find out why it happened and do better from now on. Stop living in the past but look into your future instead. Don’t put the blame on others or on circumstances beyond your reach. Don’t throw a big pity-party. Accept full responsibility for your life and live it to the fullest!
Life is an incredible adventure. No, it might not be easy street – but ever so much worth being lived!
|Posted on October 5, 2014 at 8:25 AM|
Go big! There is nothing I dislike more than passive people that are constantly whining and pitying themselves and put the blame for their miserable life on others. People that have no fire or dreams and visions inside, that wait for others to provide for them and pull them out of the mud. What a life is that. Dare to go for the alternative: Life is a daily adventure. Go big! Dream big! Your dreams and visions should never bee too low. What's the point if you have a tiny goal and reach it - as opposed to having a huge goal and reaching "only" fifty percent of it - which is still way beyond option #1. Stop pitying yourself. If you keep on blaming others for what's going wrong in your life, there will never be any change or progress. You canl only change yourself. Other people usually are beyond your reach and responsability. Have visions! See yourself standing on top with the medal around your neck! Get the feeling for it and act as if you already have it! Don't be shy asking others for help. Most of all: Go new ways. Things will never change if you always do what you've always done. Don't be a copy of somebody else as everyone around you is already taken. Find your own way and learn to think and act completely different from everybody else! God has provided each one of us with passions and talents. Go for it! What do you have to loose - as opposed to the many things you could gain! And if you stumble and fall on your butt, get up again! There is nothing wrong with falling, but a lot with staying on the floor! Get into the ring and become a fighter! God needs courageous men and women who know what they want and are willing to give it their all to get it! Go big -and go now!!
|Posted on March 28, 2014 at 11:55 AM|
Men and women with unwanted same-sex attractions often meet in local or online groups, seek out therapists and get all those wonderful resources out there. All good and nice. Nothing to be said against that. And yet, you have some who keep on telling you they’ve tried “everything” and “nothing” worked so far. Oh really. After years and years of dealing with those folks that I love with all of my heart, here some points to ponder (or better: kicks in the butt):
- So you’ve tried everything. Did ya. Usually, a closer look reveals that they tried nothing for real. They might show up at one or two meetings, or order a book – and this is it. If you want to succeed, however, you need perseverance and a high stress and frustration tolerance. You need to be able to set yourself a goal and go for it – no matter how long it takes and how hard it will be. If you are not willing to do that, don’t blame it on the group, the people there, the program, the genes, your past, your parents or whomever else then. Your just a quitter looking for lame excuses.
- In many cases, self-pity is both a symptom and part of the cause of same-sex attractions. A baby that does not perceive himself or herself to be loved will start pitying himself/herself in order to get some love this way. A really tragic and sad thing to happen. This will take on till he or she is grown up, if nothing will be done against it. Usually, the individual does not even realize that. Other people start getting ticked off by the constant whining and complaining and think he or she is a wimp or worse. So if you struggle with that and already realized it, do something against it. Stop the whining. Stand up and fight! Learn to love and enjoy life and start working on your masculine/feminine identity. But PLEASE stop the whining! Whining is the easy way out in struggle. You see yourself as the poor and helpless victim. Take responsibility for your own life and act like a man/woman! There is no shame in being scared, but there is if you let your fear overcome you!
- Go for results. General bla-bla won’t get you far. Set yourself big goals (they really can’t be too big!), cut them in little goals and start making plans. Example: Instead of saying, “I will try to become a better person” (which is nothing else but a wishy-washy statement that will never lead to anything!), make your goal measurable and hold yourself accountable: “Until next Friday I will contact the volunteer program in our church and ask if I can join them in building houses for the poor. And I will tell Bill about it.” Like that you have a fix date, a measurable goal and someone that will hold you accountable.
- If you are a follower of Jesus (or Jew, Muslim – whatever), show that your faith is for real. Stop begging God to take “it” away from you – while comfortably leaning back doing nothing and waiting for God to do “His” job. Yes, God is a gracious and loving Father – and much like a worldly father who teaches his little son how to ride a bike, the Lord will teach you: Jesus died for you on the cross so you can be free – so the power of sin is already broken! You ARE free and the only thing that hinders you in realizing that is your lack of belief! As to your recovery in all other realms (like your family history, your emotions, identity questions, possible emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse or whatever else), He will teach you how to do it – but you need to trust Him and walk His path! Stop holding yourself back with lame excuses and finally trust Him! Even if bad things should happen, you know then that you are never alone! Let His love overflow you so you will become radiant with this love and joy! If we don’t have something to be joyful about, then who should?
- No man is an island. Neither are you. You grow in and through the company with others – so you should give something back and help others with unwanted same-sex attractions. This means accepting responsibility on a long-term basis. You won’t help anybody when you only show up somewhere when you feel like it. You might be (or feel) “different”. That is not a bad thing in and of itself. Let this “being different” become a blessing for others! Find out about your gifts and talents and use them for God’s glory!
- And last but not least: Get structure and discipline in all areas of your life: sexually, financially, healthwise, emotionally, relationally, socially, spiritually etc. Get yourself motivated each and every day by setting up a structure plan. Start your day by putting on your spiritual armor through prayer and Bible study and then throw yourself into the great and unbelievable adventure called life. Don’t waste it by shying back. Stand up and be the one God called you for! There is no victory in whining and complaining and finding a good excuse to reject all help and remaining a passive victim for good. There is no victory in blaming others for your inability to get your own stuff in order. There is no victory in begging God for what He already gave you, but what you continue to run away from: Complete freedom! What are you so afraid of? That you might really be free someday and be responsible for your own life? That through acting like a man/woman you might finally become one? That you might grow up to become and adult? Get your butt up and learn how to fly!!