|Posted on January 2, 2015 at 12:40 AM|
From some of our members:
For those of you who embraced the gay life: What do you think was the reason for you to do that? What was the big hook?
„Personally talking, as far as I can remember, I was looking for an ideal relationship with a guy at my age. Before living the gay life, the boys at my age never behave to me like being equal. My self esteem was extremely low and it seemed to me like a dream if one of those boys who rejected me wanted to have a love affair with me.
Of course that kind of love affair never appeared. Instead of that , other kind of sexual relationships came to my way, especially those who are motivated from sexual pleasure. “
“I was isolated at the time. I did not realize there were other options. I did not know I could make choices. I blamed God at the time (Who is now Our Father to me). I did not know where to go for help. I had no guidance. I came from a single parent back ground. I grow up in an inner city hostile, violent ghetto. I was lost. I was ashamed to talk about what happened to me. I was just a small child. The people who could have helped me didn't. I needed help but did not know where to go. Then the stigma, the shame, the embarrassment, the ridicule was a complete attack on my broken little self. Who could I talk to; not even my Mom. I was too ashamed, embarrassed and scared I was just a small developing boy. I was already hurt & broken. My only options were suicide and drugs so i thought. Later I went to a gay bar and met new people. I started talking, having fun, drinking all my problems away. Made new friends, discover a whole new world the gay ghetto even had lovers. Then I go to sleep with drugs and wake up the next day and start over again. I was lost with no where to go.“
|Posted on November 25, 2014 at 4:40 PM|
1 Corinthians 12:14-26 (ESV)
"For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, 'Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,' that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I have no need of you,' nor again the head to the feet, 'I have no need of you.' On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together."
This morning while lying in bed, this passage came to mind. As I thought about it, I realized that we as a church body like to pick and choose who we talk to, who we help, who we hang out with just like unbelievers. The more I thought about it, the harder it became for me to take myself outta this equation. It dawned on me that I am no different, but I should be considering how I've been treated in the past because of my sexual struggles.
I asked myself why this particular passage popped into my head. Every time I tried thinking about something else, I just couldn't. It was obvious that the Lord was trying to tell me something, but what? Then, just like the proverbial light bulb over my head, it came to me, "This is about yesterday."
Yesterday, my mom and I got into a discussion about picking up a woman I don't know and taking her to pick up groceries from the food bank next week. I reluctantly said I'd do it. I should've just left it at that, but of course, I didn't. Before she hung up, I asked, "She's gonna want to talk, isn't she?" My mom said, "What do you mean?" "She's gonna want to do 'small talk'. You know I don't do that, especially to people I don't know." Her response, "Just forget about then." I could continue sharing the rest of this (and some of you would like it), but I'll just say that the compromise was my taking my youngest sister along so she can talk to her on the way there and back. I looked at it as a win, win for all parties. The woman gets her food. My sister and she get someone to talk to. I do what my mom wanted. And most importantly, I can just drive and not have to try to think of stuff to talk about with this woman.
After my mom and I were done, I thought about the entire situation; not just the conversation, but how I've treated women as a whole throughout my life. I've never really been one who starts a conversation with them. I've only talked to them in passing. By that, I mean the "Good morning." or "Hi." thing. But almost never do I ask how they're doing or how their week was/is going; mainly because I just don't care. Because in my mind, I'm thinking, "This is gonna to be some long drawn out story I have no interest in and I'm gonna have to try to figure out how to get away." So to make things less awkward, I just don't bother asking.
I was trying figured out where this stems from, then it hit me. Growing up, I realized that I've always been this way, especially after being raped at age 8. I grew up looking at women as devious, sneaky, untrustworthy. Almost everything I've ever seen in relationships with men and women, the woman controlled the relationship and it all started in junior high school. The puberty hits and they start wearing makeup, dressing more provocatively and fixing their hair differently to get guys to notice them. And just like some lovesick puppy, they do and begin doing all kinds of things for her in hope that one day he'll cop a feel or have sex with her. While her sole goal is to eventually get married. As I got older, my view of them grew from not trusting them to misogynistic (hatred). If they didn't have superpowers like those in comic books, television shows or movies, I had nothing to do with them unless I absolutely had to. Sadly, it's still that way to this day.
For the most part, men have always been upfront about what they want and that played in my attraction towards them, but that attraction later became an obsession to where I wanted to be with them...needed to be with them. It didn't always have to be sexually. Sometimes I was just content with being around them. But now I've strayed away from the very reason I started writing this. We, as a body need to embrace each other for who we are. The woman my mom wants me to take to pick up groceries is a believer, so I should be happy for that and enjoy the company, but I'm letting my view on women (believer or not) skew my view of what God can do. I'm putting Him in a box and I know that's not the case. God is the Creator of the universe and can do anything He wants. My outlook on something like this is nothing for Him. I just have to be open to letting Him do His work.
24 November 2014