Homosexuals Anonymous

Offering Guidance, Fellowship & Care


Ex-Gay Leaders

Posted on August 13, 2016 at 4:50 PM

I cannot understand how some ex-gays tour the world with spreading the biblical message of freedom from same-sex attractions when at the same time they married a divorced woman while being divorced themselves. That alone takes away pretty much all of your credibility.

Affection between Men

Posted on January 6, 2016 at 10:20 AM

Affection Between Men

Torah Study Program: Hazon - Our Universal Vision


I would like to discuss the issue of affection between men. But before I discuss the issue in a broad sense, I will attempt to respond to the question that was raised whether, according to halacha (Torah law), two men can engage in erotic hugging, kissing, and touching, as long as they do not have intercourse.


There is a general Torah prohibition against engaging in any erotic touching with someone whom one is forbidden to sleep with, and this prohibition also includes erotic touching of a homosexual nature. The source for this prohibition is found in Leviticus 18:6 which states: "Any man shall not approach his close relative to uncover nakedness; I am Hashem." The Oral Torah interprets the phrase "shall not approach" to refer to any erotic touching which can lead one to have any form of intercourse which is forbidden by the Torah. This prohibition is discussed by Maimonides in his Sefer HaMitzvos (Prohibition 353), and it is also discussed in the Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzva 188). The Sefer HaChinuch states that this prohibition applies to both men and women.


There is a major halachic difference, however, between the Torah's prohibitions against forbidden forms of intercourse, and the Torah's prohibition against erotic touching: Unlike the prohibitions against intercourse, the prohibition against erotic touching does not bring "kares" (the soul being cut off) or the dealth penalty. Even if one violated one of the Torah's prohibitions against intercourse, there is the life-giving option of "teshuva" - repentance and renewal which cause us to return to the path of our Creator.


There is no question that Torah-committed individuals who are unable to get married, whether they have a heterosexual orientation or a homosexual orientation, were given a difficult life-challenge. In some respects, the person with the homosexual orientation has the greater challenge, for reasons already mentioned in previous correspondence. The reason why the Creator gives certain individuals unusual life-challenges is a topic for another discussion. It may be helpful, however, for all people to remember, regardless of their sexual orientation, that there can be warm, physical expressions of affection and love which are not erotic. There are many men, including "gay" men, who sometimes engage in non-erotic hugging and touching with other men. In fact, traditional Jewish culture is much more open to displays of physical affection between men than Anglo-Saxon culture. For example, in Israel, especially among the Sephardim, one sees men hugging or kissing each other at joyous occasions or when greeting each other after a period of separation. And in Israeli yeshivos, when a young man gets engaged, it is customary for his fellow students to not only wish him "mazel tov," but to also give him a hug or a kiss on the cheek. And let us not forget that in Torah-observant communities, men dance with men and women dance with women. These "mitzva" dances create a warm sense of unity among the participants, and they are emotionally and spiritually uplifting.


Last, but not least, men can experience with their male friends the deep pleasure of "emotional" affection and intimacy. To experience this form of intimacy, however, they need to be in touch with their feelings and to be capable of expressing these feelings in words. Many men find this to be a difficult process, especially those who grew up in an Anglo-Saxon culture. In fact, some married men have difficulty developing this type of intimacy with their wives.


I have known some single men and women who had a deep need for emotional intimacy, but they didn't know how to achieve this, so they ran after sexual experiences which they hoped would meet this need. They ended up feeling unsatisfied, for they did not receive the emotional love they were looking for.


The Mishna in Pirkei Avos (5:19) teaches that all love which depends on a physical or external cause will pass away when the cause is no longer there, but a love which is not dependent on a physical or external cause will last forever. And the Mishna cites the friendship between David and Jonathan as an example of a love which lasts forever. It is recorded in the Book of Samuel 1 that "Jonathan's soul became attached to David's soul" (18:1). As the Malbim and other commentators explain, the good and the holy within Jonathan's soul was drawn to the good and the holy within David's soul, and vice versa. These spiritual qualities last forever; thus, a love based on these spiritual qualities also lasts forever.


Our sages often refer to Hashem as "Rachmana" - an Aramaic word which means "the Loving One." May Rachmana bless all of us with a love that lasts forever.


Shalom Rav,


Yosef Ben Shlomo Hakohen



The author is the director of the E-mail Torah study program "Hazon - Our Universal Vision":




Homosexual Actions and the Person behind them

Posted on January 2, 2015 at 12:35 AM

„I only object to homosexual behavior, not the person behind it!“ – how many times have said things like that? Sounds good, right? Well, like every other distorted view it has a core truth – else there would be nothing to distort. Of course, as Christians we are against EVERY inappropriate sexual thing outside a monogamous, lifelong marriage between a man and a woman – be it in thought or deed.

However, think about it: What would you say if someone told you that as a heterosexual man – you as a person are alright as long as you don’t have sex with a girl. What nonsense! How on God’s good earth did we ever come up with the thought that you can separate the two? As human beings, we are an inseparable unity of body, psyche and soul. Our actions cannot be separated from the rest of our personality. This is why Jesus kept on telling us that it is not only our wrong actions that get us in trouble, but the thought/heart behind them.

So if you see someone with same-sex attractions, maybe an effeminate man or a masculine looking woman, stop saying things like that. Our actions are just an expression of something bigger in us. Likewise simply to stop doing something is not recovery, it is avoidance and won’t get you far as the needs and hurts behind your lustful thoughts and actions are still there and are building up till the whole thing explodes.

To cut it short: If we want to be of some real help for men and women with same-sex attractions, we need to take a closer look, to listen and to love. What is going on in that person? Maybe he/she is dealing with some past hurt or has unmet emotional or relation issues? How can we substitute that or even be part of the healing process?

You know what, people with same-sex attractions have heard so many shallow-sounding Christian commonplaces they are fed up with them. It’s not for nothing that the old prejudice of the hypocrite and self-righteous Christians keeps on being repeated over and over again.

Why can’t we just go away from all those sophistic theological phrases and just love people with same-sex attractions like Jesus would?


The Bible Says Homosexuality is an Abomination, Right?

Posted on May 4, 2014 at 10:00 AM

Well, yes and no. Yes, it says something like that, but no, this is not exactly what we understand by it.


In his book “Light In the Closet. Torah, Homosexuality And the Power to Change” (which I highly recommend by the way. It has been published by Red Heifer Press), Arthur Goldberg goes deeper into the meaning of “to’eivah”, the Hebrew word for “abomination”:


Some editions of the Pentateuch now even use the word “abhorrence” instead of “abomination”.So what about it?


“Abhorrence”might be more like it, as it is less judgmental. Webster’s Deluxe Unabridged Dictionary (2nd ed.) defines “abhorrent” as “contrary to,” or “repugnant to” someone or “inconsistent with” something. Regarding “abomination”, Webster’s defines this term as something “very hateful, detestable, loathsome, odious to the mind, offensive to the senses.” What Is the difference between the two? “Abomination”describes human feelings rather than God’s.


Abomination or abhorrence – there is always a way out: “teshuva” – the return of the penitent who completely expiates his or her sin.


In theTalmud (Nedarim 51a) you find an interesting comment, made in the tradition of authentic Torah interpretation by one of the Sages of the Talmud – Bar Kappara.


Bar Kappara says that the word “to’eivah” derives from the words “to’ei attah bah” (“you are straying through it”. In other words: Those who engage in homosexual behavior are “straying” or have been “led astray” – a view in line with a holistic Torah perspective. In that sense homosexual acts are a deviation from the right path. This view includes that the right path can be regained – a view in accordance with the great medieval commentators.


(For more information, go and get Arthur’s book).



The Credibility of Some Ex-Gays

Posted on

It saddens me to see Christian men writing books about being an ex-gay, giving talks about it, holding lectures on what the Bible really says about homosexuality - and at the same time living a rather un-Christian - or at least spiritually confused - life themselves. Examples: being married to a divorced woman (which by far the majority of Christians would object to), holding views on the Christian faith that most Christians don't etc.

You can then tell us all you want about "what the Bible says" - without a solid foundation it remains your personal interpretation. As good and as bad as everyone elses. You better refrain from counseling others on how to live a Christian live if you yourself don't.

Right - those people usually find very good reasons why their position is biblically correct (based on their own definition on it, which happens to suit their personal views). But, isn't that what gay Christians are doing as well? How can you criticize them if your life ain't any better?