|Posted on January 15, 2015 at 6:35 PM|
Isn't it interesting how many men with same-sex attractions are attracted by "masculine" or "hetero-type" men and bash effeminate men? "Masculinity" is defined through its appearance - which pretty much comes down to muscular, hairy mature men with beards. That is just as distorted a picture of a man as it is to believe make-up, silikon and high heels will turn a man into a woman. Basically, this is a tragic symptom of a deeply-rooted gender identity disorder. The individual tries to find his masculinity either by trying to "look like a man" or at least by bonding with one (i.e. having sex with him). This will never make you a real man - quite on the contrary. It will make the gap between you and your masculine identity even bigger.
|Posted on July 8, 2014 at 10:45 AM|
Men with unwanted same-sex attractions often tend to compare themselves with other men. Mostly they see themselves as “not man enough”, i.e. as not at the same level as them. They would say things like, “I don’t want to take part in our men’s group at church. I am rather clumsy and not as skillful as the other men when it comes to repair things.” or, “I am not as self-confident as other men.”
In many cases, this way of comparing themselves to other men as if that was an alien world they do not belong to reaches back to early childhood. The boys naturally tried to bond with their father, but for whatever reason this did not work out – be it because dad was emotionally not accessible or not there altogether. Maybe mom also spoke bad about dad in company of the boy. The boy would have tried for a while to bond with his dad after all, but finally he gave up – on bonding with dad and with this on finding his way into the male world altogether. Masculinity stayed a big myth for them and they somehow felt stuck between the sexes.
As puberty and with it its sexual feelings kicked in, they were attracted by what they perceived as being different from them – in this case men.
Now, on their way out and (back) to masculinity as it was planned to, they feel anxious and shy – in short uncomfortable – in company with other men. They realize that the contact with other men is crucial for every man if he wants to find his way into manhood, yet they still have that feeling of “being different” and “not being man enough”.
How to deal with that?
There is only one way: Face your fears. Yes, the other men might realize you are somewhat clumsy and afraid. However, if you fight your fears and clumsiness and go for it just the same, this will always be seen as a sign of manliness. If you run for the hills, you will feed the fears and make the gap between you and the male world even bigger. This will never be seen as a sign of manliness by any man. So fight! A man that fights always counts as a true man!
Nobody said it would be easy becoming a real man – but it is so much worth it!
My identity? When people ask me whether I am gay, straight or bisexual, I usually answer "I am Robert". That should be enough for them - and myself. Why the need to come up with countless identities? Looking at so many transgender people I feel so sad for them. Why? Because you can never deal with issues on the inside by mutilating a healthy body on the outside. I love those people and they are on my prayer list - which is why I do not join the politically correct choir these days. Men and women are physically and mentally different in so many aspects that it is simply impossible to "transition" from one to the other. Looking at the outcome sometimes, my heart is heavy with grief for some of them. You do not become a woman by using lots of make-up, dressing in pink clothes, wearing high heels or changing your behavior and gestures. Neither do you become a man by wearing lumberjack shirts, growing a beard and a belly, farting and cursing. All of that looks to me like a comic version of a man or a woman (and I do not want to ridicule somebody by saying that - quite on the contrary!). When someone imitates looks, behavior or gestures, I usually start to frown. Why the need to do that? The only reason that comes to my mind then is you might not be happy with yourself as you are. You might not love yourself. That, however, you can never change by altering the outside or swallowing hormones. For those who do not know me, check my homepage: www.robert-gollwitzer.com. You can be "different", not follow every cliche and not copy someone and still be happy with the way you are! Don't get me wrong - it took me decades to come to this point. I do not have to change identities or genders because I am good the way I am! I can fully accept and embrace me now and be the one God created me as! I do not have to undergo surgery, change genders, looks, habits, gestures or facial expressions for Him to love me or for loving myself! I just hope and pray others will come to that point too. You are okay the way you are - no need to change anything, especially not your gender. All the love you need has to come from the inside - and from God. And it does.