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So what about "Safer Sex"? - written from a homosexual perspective

Posted on November 6, 2021 at 6:50 AM

So what about "Safer Sex"? What' wrong with it?

"Safer Sex" usually means various protective measures so you can have sex without any danger for your health - for instance through sexually transmitted infections (STI). Examples could be condoms, Prep (taking pills before sex) or protection through HIV-medication. These measures are technical and/or medical things that are per se neither good or bad.

Sometimes the argument that this furthers "immoral behavior" is being said to be primarily used by this "fundamental Christians" in the USA. So what about it?

This argument might be seen as beside the point as it talks about a personal code of moral standards which has nothing to do with one's physical health. Or has it?

I am not a doctor so I can only talk about my personal experience of 20 plus years in the gay scene, having hat multiple partners and lots of - also extreme - sex.

These measures and pills certainly further sexual practices and/or acts that might not have happened without. To deny that would probably be very naive. Again - this also looks like it is neither good nor bad and most certainly in some people's eyes nobody's business.

"Safe Sex" has always been promoted, yet the effect was probably not as some might have hoped. Why? I am going to be very open: Do you know the saying "A stiff dick doesn't have a conscience"? I can only subscribe to that wholeheartedly. I have witnessed that myself so many times - people not caring at all about safety once they were horny. Add to that "Chemsex" (using illegal drugs like meth in order to enhance the sexual pleasure and the orgasm) or "just" alcohol and you get an explosive mix that lowers the barrier of protective measures a lot. All those infections with STI don't come from nowhere - with MSM (men having sex with men) having a relatively huge percentage of the overall infections.

"Safe Sex" might further the willingness to do whatever you want to do sexually. Either you do practice "Safe Sex" and think nothing can ever happen then - or you don't care at all and/or hope that the others do protect themselves at least. Even if not, you might believe there is good medication nowadays.

Irresponsibility and neglicence though keep the numbers of infected people high - and this is not just your own business. All of society has to pay for your decisions then - for example by the high medical costs that need to be covered sometimes over a long period of time by the health insurance companies.

Another point is the emotional side and mental health as a whole. Looking back at my long experience I can only warn you: it is very naive to believe that yielding to any and every impulse to have sex in whatever way and form will not have any consequences for you in that area. I have watched too many people - including myself - over the years to think this has done nothing with their mental health. As to myself: At the end of a 20 year-period I looked at myself and could not believe what had become of me - morally, mentally, physically - in many areas of my life. This is why I left this kind of life.

Finally - even if some people deny it - there is the spiritual aspect. This is one of those things that separates human beings from animals - we (at least most of us) believe in a world beyond what we can perceive with our five senses. I have experienced and heard from many others devastating consequences in that field over the years.

Do not buy arguments that sound logical, simple and clear at first but have a bitter aftertaste. Use your common sense. God has given it to us for a reason.

Want to Serve in a Christian Ex-Gay Ministry?

Posted on October 23, 2021 at 11:55 AM

Want to get involved in a Christian ex-gay ministry and counsel people with same-sex attractions who seek a life beyond the gay scene? Here are some points to ponder:

If you want to counsel someone, you definitely need solid psychological training and knowledge as well as guided experience - even when you are not offering psychotherapy. Just to mean well certainly is not enough and might cause a lot of damage. Make sure your knowledge is always up-to-date!

If you offer Christian counseling or pastoral care, get a solid education! There are guidelines that must be followed in order to help your clients!

In order to answer and deal with theological questions, you need to have the background needed to do so. A pastor's degree from the church of the moonlight does not count as theological background!

If you are a man married to a divorced wife because your way of interpreting the Christian faith allows that, do not criticize gay Christians for doing the same.

Do not write self-help books, do not counsel and do not give public speeches if you have none of the above!

Being an ex-gay does not mean you have no same-sex attractions anymore. It means you left a life in the gay scene (or did not even go there to begin with) and chose another way.

Your job is NOT to turn gays into straight people. As a Christian, it does not matter if you have same-sex attractions or not. What matters is if you follow Jesus Christ!

Don't make a living preaching to the choir or by living in the past. Going from Church to Church talking about your experiences is a nice thing to do, but the people that need you most are probably not in there. They are where most Christians usually don't dare to go. Yet Jesus commanded us to go (out!) and make disciples, not to give nice talks to fellow Christians while charging them for it!

You need to be in constant contact with gays as well. They are not your enemies. Love them like Jesus would!

Offer unconditional love - not a "I love you, but..."!

Be there also for those who are not Christians or who want to stay in a gay life. Show them God will never leave them!

Don't keep on giving testimony over and over again. It is not about you and you should not stir things up all the time, but look ahead now!

Be honest! There is nothing wrong with having same-sex attractions! It is up to us what we do with them. Don't tell people you don't have them anylonger ("ex-homosexual") when this is not the truth!

Remember it is always up to the client to set a goal, not to you. Even - and especially - if you have a license as a psychotherapist you should only work within the standards, rules and guidelines of your profession!

Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn

Posted on May 14, 2021 at 1:10 PM

Most people are aware of the first two stress reactions: the fight or flight response. Get your fists up or run for the hills.

Some still remember to count in freeze as well. Actually, this has always been a very important reaction. Think of an animal baby that is lying alone in a field. It certainly cannot fight and running is not really an option either. So it freezes. Human eyes and animal eyes usually focus on movement. We have a hard time recognizing something if it is still as a rock.

The last one is not so common: fawn. Yet many of us do it without realizing. If you can't fight, flight or freeze you fawn - meaning you become extra nice to your adversary (the one that stresses and/or threatens you), you try to give him or her as little reason to attack as possible. You become very submissive, do and say what you think is expected and pleases, are quick to apologize even if there was no mistake and go the extra mile. All so the other part won't have grounds to become angry and get at you.

It is crucial to realize these reactions as stress reactions once we show the symptoms. Only if we are aware of what is happening will we have the possibility to make a conscious effort to change things for the better and learn how to appropriately handle stress.

Anger issues?

Posted on April 13, 2017 at 4:55 PM

Have you ever been told you have an "anger issue" - along with some Bible verses to help you to repent? Anger is a completely normal emotion. Nobody (!) does NOT get angry. Jesus got angry. He got so angry He chased the merchants out of the temple. Stop pretending you have no emotions and/or emotions are a bad thing. Emotions have a function in our lives. We have them for a reason. Without emotions, humanity would not even have survived. They protect us, motivate us or prevent us from doing something. Get a life!

Scientists?

Posted on

Some gays or gay-friendly activists cite like-minded psychiatrists to back their cause and put down those, who assist people who do not want to act out their same-sex attractions. So how about it?

I have been taken professional training in psychology for many years now and very much appreciate this science as well as the need for it in therapy and in everyday life. However, what we see today in psychology and psychiatry is a very distorted version of it that has little to do with science and much with politics.

For hundreds of years science has seen "homosexuality" as a "disorder". All of a sudden they changed their view. Now this is nothing unheard of - it is part of science. But, if the change in view has politics as its reason and not science, we have a problem.

Today, statistics show clearly that MSM (men who have sex with men), a tiny percentage in the overall population, have an enormous percentage in the number of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). Yet, assisting those who do not want to go that way is claimed harmful.

Healing identity problems and fulfilling unmet emotional needs on the inside by mutilating healthy human bodys ("reassignment surgery on transgenders") on the outside while violating the hippocratic oath is seen as "science".

Many years ago I always wondered why so many people (especially men) with same-sex attractions all over the globe (!) have similar life stories - a nonexisting bond with their same-sex parent in childhood, emotional/verbal/physical/sexual abuse and the like. Why they all obviously try to heal their inner wounds and unmet legitimate needs with sex - probably due to lack of a better means or help from others. Just to tell them "well, if you feel like it, just do it then! Have sex with someone your own gender!" is not science, it is irresponsability and total negligence (NOT tolerance!).

Limiting scientific research by forcing a political scheme on it - hereby only allowing politically correct outcome - is not sciencee, but propagande. Yet so many scientists yield to it without having the guts to stand up to the value and standards of their profession. Some use unproven claims, evaluations, personal opinion, politics, propaganda in order to disclaim opposing views. Again: that's not science and you are not doing psychiatry, psychology, neurology or medicine a favor. Science observes and researches and does not judge or even limit observation or research.

So before you quote a psychiatrist or the like in order to back your - political! - theories, think twice if that won't backfire.