Homosexuals Anonymous

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Experiences from a Gay Life

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Here some experiences and observations I've made during my many years in, with and around the (male) gay scene - and some conclusions I've drawn:

 

 

Impulsive behavior seems to be rampant. If men want sex, they are going to get it NOW.

 

In order to get the sex partners, moral restrictions are often low. It does not matter if he is a married family father (that seems to be even more attractive), if he has a partner or whatever else.

 

Partnerships are hardly ever monogamous and longterm. This is (officially) not being seen as something bad - even though most men still seem to dream of "Prince Charming" (that will most likely never come).

 

Gay bars and gay dating sites seem to be nothing more than "meat markets".

 

Even though some would object, I'd still claim that partners are exchangeable. Partnerships are not focused on a "you", but rather an "I". The other partner is seen and needed to fulfill all of my sexual, emotional, relational and psychological needs - something nobody can really do (that's maybe why they are always on the lookout if the grass is greener elsewhere).

 

Mental disorders seem to be much more common among gay men than among their straight counterparts. That is not necessarily due to discrimination by society, but rather to a different (not worse!) mental design.

 

Victim mentality is high and so is self-pity. Not that the men are aware of it. However, they are constantly complaining about their childhood, society, their family, their partners, their job, their lives. Taking over full responsibility for themselves seems not really common.

 

Their political views are rather radical and narrow minded. Everybody has to accept the way they live their lives, else he or she is homophobic, retarded, mentally challenged, or radical. In one word: Somebody that has conservative views. That seems to be a rather childlike view - like many other behaviors and attitudes seem to be childlike or immature.

 

Self-destructive behavior (like sex withouth protection or with many partners, even in Corona times or extreme sexual practices) and drug abuse seem to be higher than in the rest of the population.

 

There is no solidarity in the gay scene. It seems to be all about "me, myself and I".

 

It all seems to turn around "being happpy" (with "happiness" being a feeling than comes and goes rather than a wilful life-decision) - and yet so many of them seem to be deeply sad on the inside.

 

 

Again: These are my personal observations and conclusions. They are not meant to put anybody down. On the contrary - I am in no way different. I have been there and even bought the t-shirt. I love those men from the bottom of my heart and wonder why this is the case. Maybe someone has an idea?

 

Rob

Experiences from a Gay Life

Posted on

Here some experiences and observations I've made during my many years in, with and around the (male) gay scene - and some conclusions I've drawn:

 

 

Impulsive behavior seems to be rampant. If men want sex, they are going to get it NOW.

 

In order to get the sex partners, moral restrictions are often low. It does not matter if he is a married family father (that seems to be even more attractive), if he has a partner or whatever else.

 

Partnerships are hardly ever monogamous and longterm. This is (officially) not being seen as something bad - even though most men still seem to dream of "Prince Charming" (that will most likely never come).

 

Gay bars and gay dating sites seem to be nothing more than "meat markets".

 

Even though some would object, I'd still claim that partners are exchangeable. Partnerships are not focused on a "you", but rather an "I". The other partner is seen and needed to fulfill all of my sexual, emotional, relational and psychological needs - something nobody can really do (that's maybe why they are always on the lookout if the grass is greener elsewhere).

 

Mental disorders seem to be much more common among gay men than among their straight counterparts. That is not necessarily due to discrimination by society, but rather to a different (not worse!) mental design.

 

Victim mentality is high and so is self-pity. Not that the men are aware of it. However, they are constantly complaining about their childhood, society, their family, their partners, their job, their lives. Taking over full responsibility for themselves seems not really common.

 

Their political views are rather radical and narrow minded. Everybody has to accept the way they live their lives, else he or she is homophobic, retarded, mentally challenged, or radical. In one word: Somebody that has conservative views. That seems to be a rather childlike view - like many other behaviors and attitudes seem to be childlike or immature.

 

Self-destructive behavior (like sex withouth protection or with many partners, even in Corona times or extreme sexual practices) and drug abuse seem to be higher than in the rest of the population.

 

There is no solidarity in the gay scene. It seems to be all about "me, myself and I".

 

It all seems to turn around "being happpy" (with "happiness" being a feeling than comes and goes rather than a wilful life-decision) - and yet so many of them seem to be deeply sad on the inside.

 

 

Again: These are my personal observations and conclusions. They are not meant to put anybody down. On the contrary - I am in no way different. I have been there and even bought the t-shirt. I love those men from the bottom of my heart and wonder why this is the case. Maybe someone has an idea?

 

Rob

Is there a "gay lifestyle"?

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Many people would answer that this is a homophobic invention. Gays live there lives in many different ways, as straight folks do.

So is it completely non-appropriate to talk of a "gay lifestyle"?

Let's take a closer look at what Wikipedia has to say:

"Lifestyle is the interests, opinions, behaviours, and behavioural orientations of an individual, group, or culture. The term was introduced by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler with the meaning of "a person's basic character as established early in childhood", for example in his 1929 book "The Case of Miss R.". The broader sense of lifestyle as a "way or style of living" has been documented since 1961. Lifestyle is a combination of determining intangible or tangible factors. Tangible factors relate specifically to demographic variables, i.e. an individual's demographic profile, whereas intangible factors concern the psychological aspects of an individual such as personal values, preferences, and outlooks.

A rural environment has different lifestyles compared to an urban metropolis. Location is important even within an urban scope. The nature of the neighborhood in which a person resides affects the set of lifestyles available to that person due to differences between various neighborhoods' degrees of affluence and proximity to natural and cultural environments. (...)

A lifestyle typically reflects an individual's attitudes, way of life, values, or world view. Therefore, a lifestyle is a means of forging a sense of self and to create cultural symbols that resonate with personal identity. Not all aspects of a lifestyle are voluntary. Surrounding social and technical systems can constrain the lifestyle choices available to the individual and the symbols she/he is able to project to others and the self.

The lines between personal identity and the everyday doings that signal a particular lifestyle become blurred in modern society. For example, "green lifestyle" means holding beliefs and engaging in activities that consume fewer resources and produce less harmful waste (i.e. a smaller ecological footprint), and deriving a sense of self from holding these beliefs and engaging in these activities. Some commentators argue that, in modernity, the cornerstone of lifestyle construction is consumption behavior, which offers the possibility to create and further individualize the self with different products or services that signal different ways of life.

Lifestyle may include views on politics, religion, health, intimacy, and more. All of these aspects play a role in shaping someone's lifestyle. In the magazine th, and television industries, "lifestyle" is used to describe a category of publications or programs." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifestyle_(sociology) September 7th 2019)

Are there common interests, opinions, behaviors, and behavioral orientations in the gay scene? Anyone who has ever been there would definitely agree. There is a special way of talking, of celebrating, a different way of dressing up, different interests and values than compared to the rest of the population (yes, there will always be some who drop out of this classification, but on the average this might be a true statement). I have been there for many years and from my experiences I can definitely agree.

My "lifestyle" and that of many others I encountered reflected our attitudes, our way of lives and world views - no doubt about that. The environment we were living in also constrained our lifestyle choices. I could absolutely agree on that one as well. And yes, my views on politics, religion, health and intimacy were shaped by it as well and formed what you might call a "lifestyle" that I shared with many others then.

So all in all there is a "gay lifestyle".

The question is rather why so many gays are annoyed by this term? I guess they want to present an image to the public that makes them look like an ordinary John Doe, just like everyone else. But they are not! Gay activists use that as a propaganda technique - being well aware that the reality is way different. If I'd still be in the gay life, I would be more than happy to embrace a "gay lifestyle" - probably even be proud of it. Could it be that the gay self-confidence and self-assurance is so low it needs to look like everyone else and is ticked off by being called "gay"?

Recently, I communicated with gay men in online dating sites (not that I recommend that!). My impression? The more things change, the more they stay the same. Nothing much seems to have change since I left 15 years ago. Just take a look at the CSD-parades each year and tell me there is no "gay lifestyle"! To claim there is not is ridiculous and every gay person knows it.

I am ever so glad I left the environment that shaped my life back then. The way I live my life now does not fit any category and I am more than happy about that.

Robert