|Posted on November 15, 2014 at 5:20 AM|
I have always been somewhat of a stranger to you, at least from about 12yrs onwards, though you may have thought otherwise. Sorry for the secrets which I kept from you. I couldn't see how I could share my thoughts and feelings as so many if them were outrageously negative towards you. Such misunderstanding. I blamed you for mom's misery. You seemed oblivious or to not respect her enough to care.
I withheld, I hid and I scorned
I privately wished you weren't there
What a thing to say.
I didnt want you around
I wanted you gone
Shameful to admit but I judged you so wrong.
Through the eyes of a child I did not comprehend
The nature of sorrow and the grief that life sends.
Just saw my lost mom in deep agony;
So I killed all your love and your strong image in me.
My heart became blind to the dad I once knew
By the flick of a switch by the turn of a screw.
Away from the light and the air it was hidden
No chance for a word or an explanation was given.
Its takes a big heart to hear, to ponder, to forgive
But I trust in your love as I stand
as a man
Coming out from my cowardice and all of the sham.
I masqueraded as a son without a bother
When deep inside I'd lost my father.
My hidden self, for you, may be hard to learn
But dont see it as the end
'Cause to find you again
is so much that I yearn..
So stay with me a while as I unearth all the rocks
which your love they do fiercely and mercilessly cover..
till my pure love for you I at last would recover.
Thank you for the amends you made at the end
A touch of the Divine..could you be my friend?
I thank God for your life
though the work incomplete,
we had only begun
when you went from this world and your saviour to meet.
While I managed to broach the subject in part
In terms as our journey it was only the start.
So with help from my brothers and the Spirit of God
And because of what I know of your compassionate heart;
I will set to prepare my heart till we meet
Again, and the love released in our hearts is complete.
So I wanted you gone at some point in the past
But in this path's assignments
we' ll redeem what was lost.
And I pray to our Father
we're soon to discover,
The love a true father and son
might have for each other.
(From a member of the Homosexuals Anonymous online group. Used with permission).
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