Homosexuals Anonymous

Offering Guidance, Fellowship & Care

FAQ's

From Homosexuals Anonymous and Jason:

How long has your organization been dealing with conversions?
If you mean to ask how long we’ve been around: Since 1976, which makes us the oldest ministry for those seeking freedom from unwanted same-sex attractions. However, we are not “dealing with conversions”. Our goal is not to make “turn people straight”, but to help them find freedom from same-sex attractions – whatever form that freedom takes on then. Each of our members has different goals for his or her life, and so are the paths they take.

How many people struggling with homosexuality do you deal with each year?
First: We do not believe that there is something like “homosexuality” (a rather new term by the way). God has created all of us heterosexual – or better: men and women. Some of us, however, have predominant and long-lasting same-sex attractions including sexual and emotional attractions to members of the same sex – for whatever reason. To come back to your question: We do not keep record of that. Homosexuals Anonymous and Jason have several chapters around the world for people with unwanted same-sex attractions – local and online. We also counsel family members, pastors, or anybody interested in that subject. We speak at political events, mosques, churches, radio and TV shows and whoever else invites us. Whoever saves one soul, saves the whole world.

What is your success rate with conversions?
Again: Whoever saves one soul, saves the whole world. We do not evaluate success by the numbers nor by any other secular standardized system. Some of us married and founded families, some of us stayed single. God has different callings for each one of His children. Do we believe in freedom from homosexuality? Most certainly so – and the reason some have not found it yet is because they might not really believe it can be done. However, there are most likely thousands around the world who once experienced same-sex attractions and maybe even spent a good part of their lives in the gay scene and now let God change their hearts and turned their ways. Some time ago, a grandfather with same-sex attractions who chose to lead a godly life told me that to a certain degree he still experiences same-sex attractions, but when he takes a look at his wife, children and grandchildren he knows that his choice was right – and so much worth it. You couldn’t pay us a better compliment than that.

How sure are you that these people have been delivered from homosexuality?
There is no blood test you can take to measure if they are free. However, we have lots of testimonies that confirm that there is freedom. We experienced it in ourselves and in the testimonies of many others around the world. All these people have no gain in lying – they are telling the truth, which might scare gay activists because if there is one out there who found freedom of same-sex attractions, they do not have an excuse for themselves anymore. “Freedom” might look differently for the individual – some experience complete freedom, others a substantial decrease in the intensity and/or frequency of their same-sex attractions.

What methods do you use to deliver from homosexuality?
In the course of the last decades we developed and used a great variety of tools that help those who come to us seeking help. First, you have our 14-step program. Part of those steps goes back to the tradition of 12-step groups and was adapted to the special needs of people with unwanted same-sex attractions. The other steps have been developed from the experience and the road to freedom of our two founders: Colin C. and Doug M. We also use techniques and resources by various psychotherapists who worked in this field. Some of us also had a special training in psychotherapy, Christian counseling, or theology. In addition to that, we developed a network with other ministries worldwide to get the best help possible for those who seek out our services. That network provides us with a wide range of programs, recourses and counselors so that the different factors that contributed to the individual development of same-sex attractions can be addressed the best possible way.

Robert


The six ways homosexual activists manipulate public opinion:

1) Exploit the “victim” status;
2) Use the sympathetic media;
3) Confuse and neutralize the churches;
4) Slander and stereotype Christians;
5) Bait and switch (hide their true nature); and
6) Intimidation.

(https://www.lifesitenews.com/opinion/the-six-ways-homosexual-activists-manipulate-public-opinion?utm_content=bufferc9d45&utm_medium=social&utm_source=defendmarriage%2Bfacebook&utm_campaign=buffer)


10 Questions for Christians Who Support Gay Marriage


1. How long have you believed that gay marriage is something to be celebrated?

2. What Bible verses led you to change your mind

3. How would you make a positive case from Scripture that sexual activity between two persons of the same sex is a blessing to be celebrated?

4. What verses would you use to show that a marriage between two persons of the same sex can adequately depict Christ and the church?

5. Do you think Jesus would have been okay with homosexual behavior between consenting adults in a committed relationship?

6. If so, why did he reassert the Genesis definition of marriage as being one man and one woman?

7. As you think about the long history of the church and the near universal disapproval of same-sex sexual activity, what do you think you understand about the Bible that Augustine, Aquinas, Calvin, and Luther failed to grasp?

8. What arguments would you use to explain to Christians in Africa, Asia, and South America that their understanding of homosexuality is biblically incorrect and your new understanding of homosexuality is not culturally conditioned?

9. Should your brothers and sisters in Christ who disagree with homosexual practice be allowed to exercise their religious beliefs without fear of punishment, retribution, or coercion?

10. Will you speak up for your fellow Christians when their jobs, their accreditation, their reputation, and their freedoms are threatened because of this issue?

Pastor Kevin DeYoung at The Gospel Coalition



“The Supreme Court cannot redefine what they didn't create. Marriage is a covenant, a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and publicly entered into before God. Marriage is intended to be a lifetime commitment since it was established by God.

“Marriage represents a serious vow that should not be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. It involves a solemn promise or pledge, not merely to one's marriage partner, but before God. Marriage is also a human agreement between a man and a woman; it is the most intimate of all human relationships resulting in a ‘one-flesh’ union.”

Janet Boynes


(Source: https://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/christian-trends/10-questions-for-christians-who-support-gay-marriage.html?fbclid=IwAR09Gyb_7u7S6RextNoSEYYNlh6N_uyc678kFzO0fgLotfiA7EG_FqM-3ao)



What do you mean when you talk about "false" or "new" identity?

We are not refering hereby to "homosexual" or "heterosexual". Many of us used sexual fantasies or acts subconsciously in order to numb legitimate needs or past hurts and forget about them for a while. Therefore, the "identity" that came out of this was oftentimes distorted. The more we now learn to forgive and to recognize and accept our needs, the more we acknowledge our true self.
For the Christians among us it also means to see one's identity in the One in whose image we were created.

It is not so much about being "false" or "right" in the colloquial sense, but in realizing and accepting one's self.


Was meint ihr, wenn ihr von "falscher" oder "neuer" Identität sprecht?

Hier beziehen wir uns nicht auf "homosexuell" oder "heterosexuell". Viele von uns haben sexuelle Phantasien oder Handlungen unbewusst dazu verwendet, legitime Bedürfnisse oder vergangene Verletzungen zu betäuben und sie eine zeitlang zu vergessen.
Die daraus entstandene "Identität" war deshalb oft verzerrt. In dem Maß, indem wir lernen zu verzeihen und unsere Bedürfnisse zu erkennen und erfüllen, erkennen wir auch unser wahres Selbst.
Für die Christinnen und Christen unter uns bedeutet dies weiterhin, die eigene Identität in dem zu erkennen, in dessen Abbild wir erschaffen wurden.

Es geht hier also weniger um "falsch" und "richtig" im umgangssprachlichen Sinn, sondern um das Erkennen, Wahrnehmen und Annehmen des eigenen Ichs.

I am heterosexual but have a question about what homosexuals are called. What are "male: homosexuals called? Females are "lesbian". "Gay", I think, implies both male and female.
In modern-day society "homosexuals" is a term that describes man and women who have a predominant and longlasting sexual and emotional attraction towards members of the same sex. "Gay" or "lesbian" usually also implies that those people are out there, maybe even activists for their political cause.
We do not believe in such terms. God has created all of us heterosexual. Yes, some have same-sex attractions - for whatever reason. So this is what they are then: Heterosexuals with same-sex attractions.
Like that we prefer the term "people with same-sex attractions" instead of "homosexuals", "gays" or "lesbians".

Freedom from Homosexuality

HOMOSEXUALS ANONYMOUS

A Christian Fellowship

If you are a person in conflict with homosexual feelings, or a parent, relative or friend of someone struggling with homosexuality who needs help; if you are a minister, counselor or therapist looking for a support group for a counselee wanting freedom from homosexuality then please read on. You will gain insight into Homosexuals Anonymous (H.A.)--who we are and how we can help you.


How did Homosexuals Anonymous begin?

Homosexuals Anonymous began in November 1980 as a result of two men, Colin, a former minister, and Doug, a former school principal, pooling their ideas in how to pass on to others what they had experienced in recovery from homosexuality. Colin, who had kept a five-year journal of his growth, analyzed the principles of that growth with helpful evaluation from Doug. From this analysis the 14 Steps of H.A. were born. Nine of the steps come from Colin’s journals and five of them are modified from Alcoholics Anonymous.


What is the purpose of Homosexuals Anonymous?

Homosexuals Anonymous (H.A.) is a Christian fellowship of men and women who have chosen to help each other to live free from homosexuality. A freedom which does not mean to turn from "gay" to "straight", but to become more like Jesus Christ. The purpose of H.A. is to support individuals seeking that freedom. Group support is available through weekly H.A. meetings. Guidance is received through the shared experiences and growth of others. Strength is acquired by training the faith response through the 14 Steps.

H.A. is non-sectarian and works inter- and non-denominationally. It does not endorse or oppose any political causes, nor does it wish to engage in any controversial issues that would draw members’ energies away from the goal of maturing in their relationships with those around them and rediscovering their true identity through a restored relationship with God through Jesus Christ.


What is the purpose of anonymity?

Because the social stigma of homosexuality is often a factor in a person’s decision whether or not to seek help, H.A. members recognize that a firm assurance of confidentiality is imperative if they are to succeed in attracting and helping other people wishing to find freedom from homosexuality. H.A. promises personal anonymity to all who attend its meetings. First names only are used. Personal information shared during any meeting is treated as confidential.

While the privacy of each member is highly regarded, some people experiencing freedom from homosexuality are eager to share the good news of their H.A. affiliation with family, friends, and other support groups. Such disclosure is their own choice.


How is Homosexuals Anonymous organized?

Local H.A. Chapters are a part of a nation-wide network of chapters that function under the guidance of Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship Services (HAFS). Local chapters are committed to the philosophy and guidelines of HAFS. H.A. chapters are developed as interested persons receive leadership training and accreditation through HAFS sponsored seminars.


Who directs the local H.A. Chapter?

Because H.A. is a self-help group, the members themselves, who have experienced significant growth, accept responsibility for different aspects of the chapter’s organization and meetings. In addition, the responsibility of helping an H.A. member work through the 14 Steps, outside the framework of the H.A. meeting, is taken on by a step coach who, having found ways of successfully applying the steps in his own life, now helps other members in the application process through example, guidance and prayer.


Is there any cost?

There is no charge for membership in an H.A. chapter. However, because each chapter is financially independent, members are given the opportunity to make contributions at each meeting. These contributions are used to meet the expenses incurred by the local group.


What is the requirement for membership?

The only requirement  membership in an H.A. group is a desire to be and remain free from homosexuality.


What is an H.A. meeting like?

Each meeting is structured around an hour-and-a-half time frame. The meeting opens with prayer, introduction of members by first names only, and a reading of the 14 Steps. Next come the major parts of the H.A. meeting and are as follows:

1) Histories—When new members are present, senior members tell of what led them to face their homosexuality, how God led them to H.A. and how they have grown in their understanding of God, of themselves and the world around them. New members are given the opportunity to share their history, too, but only if they choose to do so.

2) Step Talk—The step guide for the evening presents a short talk on one of the steps giving insight into how the principles found in the step are being worked out in his own life and how the step might apply to those in the group.

3) Discussion—Discussion sometimes focuses on the step and at other times on growth or struggle that a member may be experiencing. This is a time when members rally round to encourage each other. Meetings are characterized by friendliness and openness. There is no uncomfortable intensity and leadership is rotated so that there are no attempts to control. Many discover that an H.A. meeting provides the best Christian fellowship they have experienced in years.

The meeting then closes with the sharing of needs and prayer.


If I change from homosexuality will I still be me?

Recovery from homosexuality is not a question of change from one sexual orientation to another, but of self-discovery. A life that focuses only on homosexuality is the self-limiting of your personality. As you discover the Grace of God your true selfhood will be gradually released to enable you to become the person you always knew you could be, but feared you never would be.


Is H.A. likely to perpetuate the homosexual subculture?

H.A. believes that there is no such thing as “a homosexual,” only men and women, created by God heterosexually, who because of the broken world we live in, are confused over their sexual identity. H.A. members do not introduce themselves by saying, “Hello, I’m George and I’m a homosexual.” It is the paradox of Homosexuals Anonymous that people who become members discover in time that by God’s grace they are not what they thought they were. The discovery of this Grace ensures their restoration, as dignified people, to the Christian community. Thus, H.A. Fellowship, rather than perpetuating the homosexual subculture, contributes to its decline.


How can I get involved with H.A.?

If you want to be free from homosexuality you may begin attending an H.A. chapter at any point in the 14-Step series. Meeting places and times are not announced publicly, however. Contact with your local H.A. chapter is made by telephone only. To learn more about H.A. Fellowship and your local chapter, go to our website: www.homosexuals-anonymous.com.


THE FOURTEEN STEPS OF H.A.


1. We admitted that we were powerless over our homosexuality and that our emotional lives were unmanageable.

2. We came to believe the love of God, who forgave us and accepted us in spite of all that we are and have done.

3. We learned to see purpose in our suffering, that our failed lives were under God's control, who is able to bring good out of trouble.

4. We came to believe that God had already broken the power of homosexuality and that He could therefore restore our true personhood.

5. We came to perceive that we had accepted a lie about ourselves, an illusion that had trapped us in a false identity.

6. We learned to claim our true reality that as humankind, we are part of God's heterosexual creation and that God calls us to rediscover that identity in Him through Jesus Christ, as our faith perceives Him.

7. We resolved to entrust our lives to our loving God and to live by faith, praising Him for our new unseen identity, confident that it would become visible to us in God's good time.

8. As forgiven people free from condemnation, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, determined to root out fear, hidden hostility, and contempt for the world.

9. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs and humbly asked God to remove our defects of character.

10. We willingly made direct amends wherever wise and possible to all people we had harmed.

11. We determined to live no longer in fear of the world, believing that God's victorious control turns all that is against us into our favor, bringing advantage out of sorrow and order from disaster.

12. We determined to mature in our relationships with men and women, learning the meaning of a partnership of equals, seeking neither dominance over people nor servile dependency on them.

13. We sought through confident praying, and the wisdom of Scripture for an ongoing growth in our relationship with God and a humble acceptance of His guidance for our lives.

14. Having had a spiritual awakening, we tried to carry this message to homosexual people with a love that demands nothing and to practice these steps in all our lives' activities, as far as lies within us.



What if I have a powerful same-sex drive? Why shouldn't I go for it? I can't stay alone for the rest of my days! Why can't I be happy too? - All questions that do have a real and sometimes painful background. So how about it? Let's start with the powerful sex-drive. The temptation is strong, if that drive has built up for many years - maybe because you had nobody to talk to and/or saw no other alternative than to finally yield. However, if there is one thing I had learned during the many years in the gay scene involving many sexual encounters with men and sexual practices you might not even heard of, then it is this: If you think you can quench that thirst from your sex drive by "going for it", then you better forget that right now. It's not going to happen. On the contrary: Once you break a taboo, the next one will be so much easier to get out of the way. Once you try to still your sexual drive by having sex with members of the same sex, you tasted blood and will want more. And more. And more. Being "creative" will become the new norm - and your life will turn around "being gay". If you think that is fun, let me tell you this: Yea, at the beginning it is like a wall crumbling down. "Finally I can be myself!" (much later you might realize that this was only a very distorted picture of yours). That big high, however, will soon make way for embitterness. You don't want to go there. There are reasons why you have those same sex attractions. Many different factors contributed to the development of your ssa - and need to be dealt with. Also there are legitimate physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs behind your attractions. Those needs need to be adressed and satisfied a healthier way. Keeping all of that in mind, it is irresponsible to just forget about all that and tell people to "go for it". That is cheap. Seeking the quick fix will quench your thirst for a short time, numb the pain and help you forget about things - much like a drug addict does by getting loaded. However, sex does not heal and on the long rund things will get much worse. You exchange true satisfaction for the easy way out.

But what about having to stay alone for the rest of your days? If you mean "lonely" by "alone", then let me remind you that you can - and likely will - be very lonely in the gay scene. Being "alone" is something different. It is a gift that Jesus often used when He went out in the desert to pray. We need to be alone at times to spend some good quality time with ourselves and with God. To be able to be alone is a true treasure. Ever since I left the gay scene, I found times to be "alone", but most of the time the Lord grants me time to spend with the many true friends He brought into my life ever since and with the people He leads to me to help them get back on their feet again. I have never been less "lonely" than since I had left the gay life. I have found a true meaning and purpose in life and also my life has changed in all areas.

So what about "being happy"? I think it is a big misconception in today's culture and society that once with throw something in the "love"- or "being happy"-pool, everything is fine. No, it isn't. Being "happy" is not a criteria that something is good or morally acceptable. An alcoholic who just had a bottle of wodka might say he is "happy" now. A family father might have just left his wife and kids to live with his new girlfriend, "love" her and be "happy" with her for the rest of his days - it would still be unacceptable adultery in a Christian's eyes. Following Christ will give you true joy and tell you about the difference between "being happy" and finding that joy only God can give. And please don't mistake love for a fuzzy feeling. Feelings come and go. Love is a covenant where one person gives himself or herself (reflecting Christ's life-giving covenant with His bride, the Church) and where the two take the willful decision to stay together for their whole lives to become one flesh again. Again? Yes, our sexual drive hints back to the beginnings, where Eve was taken from Adam's flesh. This drive seeks that union back again - becoming one flesh. So much one you have to give this "one" a name nine months after.

To cut it short: I know it isn't easy to leave the gay life. It can be very scary as you have no idea what you signed up for and where this will take you. So for the beginning I give you this piece of advice: Scratch together the little faith and trust you can find in you and put it on God. And then let yourself fall and begin the journey - step by step. God has never broken any of His promises. He will be with you every second of the way and lead you out of this. Promised.

Understanding Same-Sex Attraction


Aren't terms like "heterosexuality" and "homosexuality" terms defined in the 19th century? Should we therefore better not use them?


Well, yes and no. The terms as such are relatively new, the concepts behind them not so. We do not believe in "homosexuality" as an identity in and of itself (we see same-sex attractions as something some heterosexuals have). However, we use the term and concept of "heterosexuality" refering to biblical sexuality, human identity and the concept of a lifelong and monogamous marriage between one man and one woman for the benefit of the spouses and to create offspring.
Robert

Is Homosexuality Perverse?

If so, should we call it like that? First, in my view there is no such thing as "homosexuality" (a rather modern term). Some heterosexuals (even that term is rather modern) have same-sex attractions - for whatever reason. That doesn't make them an extra species nor does it give them an extra identity. This needs to be stated clearly - both to people with ssa and to the public in general. You do not get "extra rights" for feeling that way and your whole life should not turn around being like that. So what about it being perverse? Let me take a running start for that: You first need to define that word - "homosexuality" or better: same-sex attractions. Usually you mean by that a long-term and predominant sexual and emotional attraction to members of the same sex. The causes for it are still unknown, but most scientists agree that the development of those attractions is caused by a whole bunch of different factors. Likewise, addressing and dealing with those factors can in turn influence the attractions. So are those attractions - or is "homosexuality" - "perverse"? If we mean by that that they are in some way medically speaking a gender identity disorder and like that are not what we refer to as "normal" or "unnatural", then I have to answer with a clear - yes and no. Yes, this is part of the whole problem but no, seeing people with ssa simply as "sickos" would be not helpful for them and also to simplified. It is more than just a disorder or a disease. Also from a spiritual perspective. It is not for nothing that Jesus separated sexual sins from others as they go against the own body which is the temple of the Lord. So let's just say they are a misguided way of dealing with legitimate needs and past hurts. Same-sex sexual acts and lustful fantasies are wrong from a Christian (and Jewish, and Muslim...) point of view because the go against God's design for human beings. We are created in His image and He should know what is best for us - and what leads us to very negative consequences. So keeping all of that in mind, can and should we call that "perverse"? I get the point of those who do, but calling that "perverse" is inappropriate for the following reasons: Keep in mind the factors that contributed to the development of ssa. Usually that started way back in childhood - so it is not just a "perverse" way of sexual preference that an adult chooses to get an orgasm. Yes, they are "perverse" in the sense that they are not what would be seen as "natural" (in the meaning of "planned by God for the best of mankind"). But no, they are not and should not be called that way as the term is misleading and insulting. Sort of puts shame and worthlessness on the whole package of problems that those people already have. And for this very reason it should not be called that way as it does not help people with ssa - quite on the contrary. They might feel "sick", "disordered", "evil", "scum" - in short: "pervert". Yes, their orientation and their sexual fantasies and/or acts got sort of out of control, but they are not "perverts" because of that. Also it is a misleading term for the public as they will only hear that word without understanding how it is meant. So we might better use other words to describe it. But one thing needs to be said as well: Both people with same-sex attractions, parents of kids who feel that way or parents in general whose children might have to face gay groups or messages at school, the public, authorities, churches and whoever else out there needs to hear a very clear message that there might be very negative physical, emotional, psychological, relational and spiritual consequences of a "gay" life. Ain't nothing "gay" about it. Gays might respond it doesn't have to be that way, but a look at the statistics is enough to prove that it often is - and it is not society who can be blamed for that. It is the "gay" life itself. If we love those people then yes, we need to give them a message of hope and love that there is a way out. Part of that message, however, is tough love. We need to love them enough to tell them the truth. Everything else has little to do with the Christian faith or with sound therapy. Many young people who think about embracing the "gay" life only get to hear the polished version of that life that gay activists spread - that makes them look good and nice and those who object look bad. That's victimizing. That's propaganda at it's best. Our job is to spread the truth while also giving them a helping hand so they know there is a way out. Hope that helps.

Robert


Is Homosexuality Genetic?
Author / Contributor :: Dr. Neil Whitehead

Twin Studies: Is Homosexuality Genetic?

Written By: Dr. Neil Whitehead ( http://www.mygenes.co.nz/ ) (Posted January 2008)

E-mail: whiteh@paradise.net.nz

The answer to all the alleged biological influences is conclusions from - Twin Studies.

In this paper I describe a very simple form, which avoids many complications and gives us the information we need. Usually identical twins are compared with non-identical twins. In the case of SSA this has given very ambiguous results, but we find if we only consider identical twins, the situation becomes much clearer.

We compare whether both identical twins have a given trait. Identical twins have identical genes. And they usually have identical womb environment. And they have virtually identical upbringing. So if they both have the same trait, probably some combination of common genes, prenatal factors and upbringing is responsible. So the critical question is “if one twin has SSA, does the other twin? And in what percentage of cases?"


Look carefully at the next figure:

Figure 8. Pairwise concordance among identical twins for 1 Lung Cancer, 2 Criminality, 3 Stroke, 4 Breast Cancer, 5 Same Sex Attraction, 6 Leukemia, 7 Malformation, 8 Alzheimer's, 9 Ulcerative Colitis, 10 Rheumatoid Arthritis, 11 Alcoholism, 12 Schizophrenia, 13 Depression, 14 Suicide attempt, 15 Diabetes type I, 16 Divorce, 17 Crohn's disease, 18 Asthma, 19 Hypertension, 20 Co twin is best friend, 21 Diabetes type II, 22 Autism, 23 Opposite Sex Attraction, 24 Phenylketonuria

The top point, #24 is phenylketonuria, caused by a known gene defect. If one twin has it, the other twin almost always has it. #23 is OSA. The concordance is very high. If one twin is OSA the other is usually OSA as well. However we cannot tell from this whether it is caused by genes, upbringing, or some combination. The concordances decrease as we move to the left, until we reach SSA which has a concordance of 11%. The other points with that kind of value are the cancers, which all oncologists will tell you have a large element of chance involved. SSA has a large element of chance in it. In fact we have to say it has an unusually large element of chance in it compared to most traits. By change we mean non-shared events, which affect one twin and not the other.

This 11% is a terribly important statistic. All the common biological and social influences known and unknown and yet to be discovered, add up to 11% concordance for men and 14% for women twins. All that long list of biological influences previously given in this paper are included, and they only add up to 11-14%.

Four papers agree that SSA pairwise concordance has about this value. One of them, a paper on adolescent twins found an SSA concordance of 7% for men and 5% for women, which is even lower but in the same ballpark. So we have to take it the figure is accurate and not going to change. If one twin has SSA the other usually does not.

There is one complication. People may say to you "I thought the concordance figure was 30% " or they may say "52". It is a fact that the early studies had higher figures but are also now universally acknowledged (and by their authors) to be highly biased samples. It is also a fact that they were quoting a concordance called "probandwise concordance" which is more complex than the "pairwise" concordance I quoted to you, significantly higher, and used in later calculations that do not immediately concern us in this paper. The only important conclusion is that whichever form is used, SSA would still be clustered among the traits with a very high chance component. The irony is that far from being a trait with extremely high degree of dictation by genes, it is almost as far from that as it is possible to get. This is another sad example of the public tending to believe the exact opposite of the truth in scientific matters SSA dictated? The exact opposite. I hope that from now on you will not be disturbed into thinking the genes or prenatal conditions are overwhelmingly important, regardless of what new discoveries may emerge.

Four years ago I spoke at the annual NARTH conference, and used the higher probandwise concordance figures. At that stage I was too conservative. I said the genetic effect was small. Now I would say “unusually smallâ€.

The gay activist may say to you "Oh SSA is still dictated by the genes, but they are not exerting their effects - this is a known genetic phenomenon called poor penetrance". The answer is that you have to have a known gene or genes producing the trait before you can say that, and in this case there are no genes. You might say to such a person "Please come back when a gene is found!"

Now I want to clarify some points because there is significant risk of misunderstanding. I am not saying 11% of all twins have SSA - only about 2-3% do. I am not saying when a twin has SSA that in their case there is genetic influence and in other cases no genetic influences - all of us are subjected to all the genetic and social influences.

Why twins might differ

Now this analysis I am presenting shows that chance “ non-shared experience - is an unusually large factor and accounts for differences between identical twins. What would be examples of this?


One twin sees internet SSA porn and the other doesn't
One twin misperceives the father favoring the co-twin
One twin is unlucky in (heterosexual) love and thinks he is gay
One twin is sexually abused and the other is not


Chance events, non-shared circumstances can lead to very different endpoints.


Now a disturbing factor for some at this conference may be to hear that not only are genetics a minor factor but family circumstances are also. While this is generally true for the vast majority, there is a small minority for whom the family circumstances are vitally important. But if one twin rebels against the masculinity expressed by his father or peers, the other usually does not. This is a chance occurrence, and as a generalisation parents are mostly not to blame for the SSA of their children. Accidental misperception of parental motives is much more common.


What do you mean by "living in freedom from homosexuality"?

What we do not mean to say by that is that we use conversion therapy on our clients.

So what do we mean?

For many of us "being gay" meant that our whole life turned around that. Now we want to put an end to this. Our same-sex attractions might still be there, but they will not dictate the way we live our lives no more. We are not out there telling eveybody whether he wants to hear it or not that we are "gay". We are not denying our same-sex feelings, but we are not letting them control us anymore. Life is more than "being gay".

From a Christian point of view, same-sex desires are temptations like many other temptations. However, Jesus died for us so the power of temptation and sin is broken. We are free!


Was meint ihr mit "in Freiheit von der Homosexualität leben"?

Was wir damit nicht sagen wollen, ist, dass wir Konversions-Therapie anwenden.

Was also wollen wir sagen?

Für viele von uns bedeutete "schwul" oder "lesbisch" zu sein, dass sich unser ganzes Leben darum gedreht hat. Damit hat es nun ein Ende. Unsere gleichgeschlechtlichen Empfindungen mögen noch da sein, sie werden aber nicht mehr die Art und Weise bestimmen, wir wir unser Leben führen. Wir sagen nicht jedem, ob er/sie es nun hören will oder nicht, dass wir "schwul" oder "lesbisch" sind. Wir verleugnen unsere gleichgeschlechtlichen Gefühle nicht, sie werden uns aber auch nicht mehr kontrollieren. Das Leben besteht aus mehr als nur "schwul" oder "lesbisch" zu sein.

Von einem christlichen Standpunkt aus gesehen sind gleichgeschlechtliche Gefühle Versuchungen wie andere Versuchungen auch. Jesus aber ist für uns gestorben, damit die Macht der Versuchung und Sünde gebrochen ist. Wir sind frei!


How to define "homosexuality"? It is a predominant, long-lasting sexual AND emotional attraction towards members of the same sex. Thus "homosexuality" in and of itself is not sinful - homosexual acts or deliberate seeking of homosexual lust is. Having said that, now comes point number two: There is no such thing as "homosexuality". God has createad each and everyone (!) heterosexual. There is no sexuality other than heterosexuality. Yes, there are people who experience same-sex attractions - for whatever reason. That makes them heterosexuals with same-sex attractions, not "homosexuals" or "gays/lesbians". BIG difference. Having come out of the gay life myself almost ten years ago (yipieeee - thank you, Lord!!), I can only confirm how important and helpful that way of looking at myself was for me. It made all the difference - and changed the focus of my life away from the gay life towards my true self as a child of God. There are so many gifts I discovered in me ever since that I had not ever known they existed before or that I had neglected. I am far from being "lonely" now - to be honest, I was very lonely in my gay life. Now I have a fulfilled life as a follower of Jesus Christ. Have I ever regretted my decision to leave the gay life? Not a second. How could I possibly regret leaving the quick fix for my hurts and needs and the fake version of myself to find true satisfaction looking at the One in whose image I was created!! Robert.


Homosexuality: Choice or Consequence?
Written By Ben Newman

Gay sympathizers insist that homosexuality is not a choice. On this point I completely agree. It is not a choice. No man I know or have heard of who deals with homosexuality, whether they reject and struggle against it or embrace it with pride, feels like they ever chose these desires.

It is not a choice, it is a consequence -- an unintended consequence of a lifetime of choices -- conscious, subconscious and unconscious. It is an unfortunate but natural consequence of choices made by a growing boy that were intended only to protect himself against rejection and hurt, to make himself feel safe, and to do what seemed most natural.

One can hardly fault a little boy for running away from male peers he felt were taunting and frightening and for preferring the company of girls he felt were accepting and easy-going. One can hardly fault a little boy for rejecting and protecting himself from a seemingly cold or harsh or absent or disinterested father, or for expressing his naturally artistic and sensitive talents while rejecting what for him are the frightening, unfamiliar and uncomfortable rough-and-tumble games of boyhood. After all, he is only trying to take care of himself, feel safe and be true to himself, as best as an innocent (and unguided) little boy knows how.

Little does he know that all of these perfectly understandable and innocent choices, in combination, and without intervention, can lead to horrendous unintended consequences. These choices can ultimately cause him to fail to discover his innate masculinity, fail to bond with his gender, and fail to develop a healthy gender identity as a man among men. And unable to find his own masculinity within, he can begin to seek it outside of himself, to envy it in other boys and men, and finally to lust for it sexually. His choices can have the
very unintended consequence of causing him to see himself as the opposite of men -- to see other men as the opposite sex. And so, being their opposite, he naturally feels drawn to them sexually to give himself that sense of completeness, wholeness, balance and
oneness that sexuality is designed to provide.

The problem is, many (perhaps most or even all?) men never really find in homosexual relationships that sense of completeness and balance that they long for, because in homosexuality they give away their masculinity to their partner. They turn to another man to fill the masculine emptiness within themselves. And though they may feel maleness for a moment outside of themselves, and revel in being able to touch it externally for a moment, they are left feeling even more detached from their own inner masculinity and void of a sense of maleness they have been craving all their lives.

The question to the now-grown man becomes, what will you do with this history of choices and their unintended but inextricably attached consequences? No one I have ever heard of has been able to simply choose to stop feeling homosexual desires -- after all, the desires
aren't chosen, they are the result of a web of other, more primal choices. You can't unchoose the consequences while continuing to make the same original choices.

Nor can you change past choices you have already made. That is your history and must be accepted. But that doesn't limit you to make the same choices now, in the present. This is the terrifying, thrilling, exciting and satisfying part of homosexual recovery -- learning to
make all-new choices about the kind of man you will be now, the way you see yourself as a man, the way you see other men, the way you relate to men in your life, the way you relate to the world of men, and the way you see women and relate to women.

Today, as a grown man with much greater understanding about choices and their consequence, as a grown man with many resources for support to turn to, and not as a hurt and needy little boy, you can make different choices. Healthy choices. Constructive choices. Empowering choices.

Perhaps you will choose to work on no longer rejecting your father outright and instead to find the good in him that you can embrace and, yes, even accept as a role model. Perhaps you will choose to work on no longer seeing heterosexual men as destructive and
frightening, or no longer rejecting the entire masculine realm out of hurt and spite. Perhaps you will choose to work on overcoming defensive detachment, or no longer running from meaningful relationships with heterosexual men. Perhaps you will choose to begin to focus on your similarities with other men instead of your differences.

These new attitudes and beliefs and ways of relating will take time to learn and to develop. This is a chosen path of careful and deliberate reconstruction of the inner self. You will be ridding yourself of the long-established and familiar attitudes and beliefs and character traits and ways of being with others that have had negative consequences in your life, or the outcomes you don't want, and instead embracing and developing those that have positive consequences in your life, or the outcomes you do want.

(By emphasizing that these things can be chosen, I don't mean to suggest that change is a moment in time. The decision to pursue change might be, but the change itself -- as anyone who has ever pursued personal growth or enlightenment knows -- can take months or years or a lifetime.)

Then, as real change begins to take effect, the consequences will inevitably follow: You will discover a sense of inner male power and innate masculinity you previously only saw in others. Men will eventually stop appearing to be the opposite sex from you. You will
begin to see heterosexual men as your peers and will begin to identify with them in a bond of brotherhood as you never have before. And as your masculine identity develops, your desire to connect sexually and romantically with your opposite will gradually, quietly begin to turn from the men you once saw as the opposite sex to the women (or a woman) that you, as a firmly grounded man, now recognize as your true opposite.

So as a man among men, what new choices will you begin to make today?

‘We don’t need psychotherapists to explain away our sins and tell us we’re sick. We need priests to remind us of our sinfulness and show us the way to our Redeemer’.
Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen


Are same-sex attractions caused by an evil spirit?

There is no general answer to that question. Are evil spirits or is “the evil” still active today? Can people be “possessed”? Definitely yes. To say otherwise would be both naïve and dangerous. However, before we talk about evil spirits, we need to make sure that we are not confusing that with a mental disorder. Also let’s keep in mind that many different factors contribute to the development of human sexuality. Even in the very rare cases that there definitely is demonic activity involved, deliverance from evil through a deliverance prayer or in extreme cases through an exorcism would not solve all the other problems and it would certainly not meet the underlying relational, emotional and spiritual needs. You might chase the demon out, but the problem with your dad is still very much alive and kicking.
Some might also – consciously or subconsciously – take that as an excuse that keeps them from being active as to taking steps for recovery and being responsible for present thoughts and actions. It is so much easier to blame an evil spirit than to address the underlying core issues!
Others might seek the “quick fix” through deliverance instead of going the hard road of recovery and healing. In other words: We don’t have to beg God to “take it away from us” – we already free through Christ’s atoning death on the Cross that broke the power of sin! All that keeps us from true recovery is the belief that it can be done!
Looking back on those hard years since I left the gay life in 2004 there is one thing I can definitely confirm: If you gave me the choice between the “quick fix” (like through deliverance) and those years where I had to learn to trust and believe in Him, I would always go for the last one. Yes, there were hard and painful moments, but also moments of joy and true satisfaction of coming home to the One in whose image I was created! To compare it with an image: Think of a father that teaches his son how to ride a bike. First, the son will be scared when dad takes off the crutches. Dad will still hold his sonny at first to give him some confidence and courage, but step by step he will let him ride on his own. Little sonny might take the whole street trying to ride straight ahead and sometimes he will also fall and scratch his knee, but dad will always be there with him, teaching him everything he needs to know for riding his little bike. Imagine the joy the little boy will experience once he manages to handle his bike – and how proud his daddy will be of him! That was pretty much how God taught me to live another life. He also rewarded me with an extra: He brought many great friends into my life, godly men that stand with me in good and bad.
None of that I’d have ever gotten through a snip of the finger that turned me from gay to straight” in a second. And boy am I grateful it happened the way it did.

Robert


COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT SSA

Written By Floyd Godfrey, LPC
Family Strategies & Coaching, LLC
Floyd Godfrey, a counselor in Mesa, Arizona, created the following handout that is generally provided to his clients and to their families. He may be contacted at fgodfrey@familystrategies.org. His web site is www.healinghomosexuality.com


Why do you use the word SSA (same-sex attraction) instead of gay or homosexual?

We utilize the term SSA because the feelings of attraction describe something you're experiencing, rather than describing something you are. SSA is a condition, not a state of being. It is an adjective, not a noun. We have found numerous emotional and developmental issues, which commonly foster same-sex attraction. Our approach is to address these core emotional and developmental issues.

Is change really possible?

There are many individuals who have experienced permanent change in sexual orientation. Change is possible. Unfortunately, our society currently believes it is innate (genetic) and unchangeable. This is a myth unsubstantiated by science. Any good psychologist will admit that orientation is impacted both by genetics and also environment. (Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 32, No. 5, October 2003, pp. 403-417.; M.F. Schwartz & W. H. Masters The Masters and Johnson Treatment Program for Dissatisfied Homosexual Men, American Journal of
Psychiatry 1984:141, 173-81.; Simon & Schuster, 1978.)

What should I expect from therapy for unwanted same-sex attraction (SSA)?

In our observation, there are several different phases a man or woman typically goes through when working to diminish SSA and develop OSA. The first phase involves education and self-awareness. The client will engage much reading and journaling. The second phase leads into goal-setting and behavioral changes. This would include changes in habits and behavior - social changes, sexual sobriety, etc. This would also involve behavior, which promotes satiation of emotional deficits. The third phase brings the client toward healing emotional wounds. At this point we often involve the client in group therapy, gestalt work, psychodrama, inner-child work, experiential weekends, or other formats which promote deeper emotional healing. By the fourth phase, the client
often reports feeling "neutral" about sexuality. Adults and youth frequently report feeling "nothing" sexually, at this stage. This is common during the recovery process. It's a bit like going back again to re-experience puberty. During this fourth phase we begin to reinforce heterosexual imagery, and encourage healthy OSA behavior. The final
phase of recovery involves maintenance. This fifth phase is critical for permanency, just as insulin would be for a diabetic. ("Coming Out Straight: Understanding and Healing Homosexuality," by Richard Cohen, Oakhill Press, 1999.)

How long should therapy take?

In the beginning, therapy is best implemented on a weekly basis. However, toward the end - perhaps the final phases - therapy is much less frequent. To get through all phases of recovery may take anywhere from eighteen months to six years. The length of treatment depends upon the depth of emotional wounding and deficits. It also depends upon the man's ability to implement personality and behavioral changes. ("New Study Confirms Homosexuality Can Be Overcome," National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, 1997, www.narth.com).

What if the new opposite-sex attraction (OSA) doesn't feel as strong?

Our clients tell us that the new OSA never feels as "obsessive" as the SSA. At the beginning of treatment the men and youth often describe an incessant preoccupation with the same gender. For some, it's almost a compulsive feeling. The new OSA will not feel obsessive in nature. It will not constantly be on the client's mind. However, at appropriate intimate times, the OSA feelings will be strong and very enjoyable. It
is our belief that SSA is more emotionally intense because it is a result of emotional wounds and deficits. Because the OSA comes from a place of healthy attachment and emotional satiation, it should never be as intense as the SSA. ("Desires in Conflict: Answering the Struggle for Sexual Identity," by Joe Dallas, Harvest House Publishers, 1991.)

Are there people who cannot change orientation?

We have not seen anyone who cannot change, but there are many who don't. We have worked with individuals who don't believe that it's possible. Perhaps parents are forcing the individual to come to therapy, or they are receiving pressure from somewhere (e.g., church, social). If they don't gain some sense of hope that change is possible, they won't be empowered to make the necessary changes. It takes time and hard work. The commitment and persistence required won't come from a client who is hesitating or who feels pressured to "change." Due to this dilemma, we are not in the business of pressuring someone to change when they have no desire. We are anxiously engaged helping individuals heal emotional wounds and fill emotional deficits. We cannot work with those who don't want to come. ("You Don't have to be Gay," by Jeff Konrad, Pacific Publishing House, 1987).

Why do people say it's genetic or unchangeable?

There are many differing reasons for this myth. Some individuals have gone through counseling that did not deal with the root causes of their SSA. Consequently, they feel as though therapy "didn't work." Some gay psychologists have also done research attempting to find genetic markers. Lobbyists have worked hard to convince politicians that they should be allowed equal status as a minority. Also, the Hollywood crowd
and media have introduced the gay lifestyle as acceptable and healthy. These factors and others have all convinced society that you cannot change. (Dr. Neil and Briar Whitehead, "My Genes Made Me Do It: A Scientific Look at Sexual Orientation," Huntington House Publishers, 1999; W. Byne and B. Parsons, Human Sexual Orientation: The Biological Theories Reappraised, Archives of General Psychiatry 1993:50; 228-239.; Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, “Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth," Basic Books, 1996.)

Is change permanent?

Change is as permanent as the client makes it. If the client fills the emotional deficits and heals the wounds, the SSA diminishes. If the client makes "permanent" changes in personality, then the change will be "permanent." Those who withdraw back into old ways of relating, or who go back to old patterns of behavior, typically have the SSA return. You must permanently change how you live, for the change in orientation to
be permanent. It might be similar to taking insulin for diabetes. The OSA seems to remain constant if you make lifestyle changes. ("Homosexuality: Symptoms & Free Agency," by Scott & Kae Andersen, Bonneville Book, 1998.)


Floyd Godfrey, LPC
Family Strategies & Coaching, LLC
2152 S. Vineyard, Bldg 5B -114
table. Arizona

Tel: 480-668-8301
Toll Free: 877-271-9389<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office