Reasons for Change- In the Words of Those Who Did
I am currently doing "The Game Plan" with one of your brothers and he allowed me to publish his list with the 35 reasons why you should leave a homosexual life (or not go into it). As you know, that list serves as a motivation - reading it aloud every morning after Scripture reading and prayer.
So here we go:
1 One it hurts my wife
2 Hurt my kids
3 Have a criminal record - served one year probation
4 God does not approve of such behavior
5 Separates me from the love of God
6 Could get a serious diease
7 Lost my job teaching at the college
8 Could lose my current job if I go porn site
9 Live in denial and a scret life which is not healthy
10 It is not real, but a fantasy that ends in diaster.
11 no love for anyone - it is all about me.
12 lust is out to destory me
13 I cannot make a man love me.
14 True union is btwn a man and a woman
15 my life was out of control
16 hate one night stands
17 does not give me what I am looking for in a relationship
18 never satisfy looking for next big fix
19 in bondage to my false high
20 causes depression
21 causes isolation
22 want to live for Christ
23 lived in fear
24 not socially accepted
25 want to relate to men in a healthy way
26 destroys friendships
27 the chemical release is like a drug and i can't say no
28 cannot distinquist people motives if they real or not
29 not able to be honest
30 not able to trust
31 cripple my ability to be light and salt that the world needs
32 i am deliberatily putting my pleasure before God, wife and kids
33 i am polutting my mind and body
34 i am participating in the sort of evil i said i am against
35 i am not being the man i can be
1. Relief from guilt.
2. Better conscious
3. No fear of catching a venereal disease
4. Have a better sense of self
5. Less drama n emotional turmoil
6. Higher standard of living
7. Other interest
8. Enjoying a new life in Christ.
9. Incompatible with new identity/creation
10. Broaden my horizons, new interests
11. New friends
12. A new world has opened up
13. Learning new things, new places and new people
14. More real love
15. More sincere friends
16. Making new friends opposite sex
17. Better places to hang out than bars
18. Personal growth and development
19. Less jealousy
20. Less ghetto type of atmosphere
21. Less substance abuse
22. Less over doses
23. Less sadness
24. Less Suicide
25. More happiness
26 Better adjustment to society
27. Discover a new world
28 Discover a new life after gay life
29. Less friction with gay drama types
30. Able to be my self
31. support group
32. Able to be more open with others and myself
33. New and on going relationship with Christ
34. Started accepting my masculinity
35. Self esteem improved
36. Out look has improved
37. Learned about myself
38. Got to know myself
40. No longer have to deal with "so called" shallow friends.
41. Friendships more sincere and real
42. It's the right thing to do
43. Increases your manhood
44. You become more secure in your being
45. Learn new things
46. It benefits you
47. It educates you
48. Promotes becoming proactive
49. Brings you closer to Our Father
50. Gives you a new experience in Christ.
51. Releases you from bondage
52 No more porno
53. Better control of your life
I want to leave my ssa life behind because I am losing my self-esteem and my dignity. Not for biblical reasons.
Well homosexuality is wrong for me because it keeps me away from social life living with the 'average' people, relating normally to men...
All that worries me.
To say it without any euphemism: homosexuality does not feel right. Psychologists would say this is a variant of human sexuality. Just find a man and you will be happy. Accept it. Yes this is true what cannot be altered must be accepted but maybe the whole situation can be improved so that I can live with it.
So, You Want To CHANGE?
Author / Contributor :: Anonymous JONAH Man
I was thinking about a statement I recently read from a mental health professional. It was a warning against the whole "change movement" and how guys who try to change, and "fail", are prone to pain, grief and even suicide.
I realize that I am part of this "change movement". I talk with a lot of guys, participate in seminars and experiential weekends, and am frequently quoted. I have become aware that this involvement is not trivial. We're talking about people's lives. I often say that I would never encourage people to take on this "journey". I would never tell a gay person that he is wrong or bad or shouldn't be that way. This journey ain't no picnic either.
But give me a guy who "wants" change. Someone who has it in his heart to find a new life . . . to connect with G-d and his true self and not be lead around by the hole in his chest (and then his penis) . . and I'm off and running. I'll jump in with both feet and all 2000 minutes of my cell phone.
But what of men who hit the "wall"? Those whose ego, willfulness, humanness, whatever, just revolts. The ones who get stuck right smack dab in the middle of the pain. They can't go back to the lie fully and they see no future for themselves. I know them, because I have been one of them . . . and some days, I am one of them. If we tell the truth, we all feel like this at times yet if we don't let our transitory feelings define us, then we can start journeying again once the crisis has passed.
Two years ago I wanted to put a gun to my head. But I couldn't. I decided that a sick, messed-up father, who was fighting for his life, was better than a dad who killed himself. I can be selfish, but not that selfish . . . nobody is better off if someone kills himself. But still, I was willing to give up, to just say f*** it! They are better off without me. I hear that from lots of men.
What am I getting at? I guess it's the responsibility of taking a stand, of speaking my truth that change is possible. That for me, it is, and was, worth every second of the pain, confusion and failures. It scares me when the reality of people's lives comes crashing through. At that moment I am all too aware that after someone calls me, they are then alone at night with their thoughts, fears and pain.
I am often harsh, flip and irreverent when I speak on this issue . . . I guess sometimes that's needed. But again, these are real people with real lives and what I have to say actually influences people. That scares me. I am fearful when I hear statements like the one I heard from the psychologist about the damage this "change" thing can cause. And I believe there are lots of people who mean well but do cause damage.
There are people in AA who kill themselves, they just can't seem to get sober . . . the pain and humiliation gets too great and they end it. AA is still a great and awesome spiritual entity.
How do I end this rant? I guess with speaking what's on my mind. I have a mixture of deep love for the men and women who take this journey . . . and I have a fear of taking a stand. But I'm willing to push through that fear and take a stand, with reality staring me in the face. MY truth is my truth and if it makes waves, so be it. Seems I can't shut up when G-d wants me to talk.
And to those who are in the thick of it, in what I call "no man's land" . . . that place of confusion where the past doesn't work, the future is unclear, and the pain of the present is almost too great to bear, I say hang on, pray with all your heart and soul, yell, scream, talk, and stay connected. The miracle may be closer than you think. Please don't give up on life.
And to Ben, Arthur, Elaine, David M and Richard C . . . I honor you for taking a stand and speaking your truth. I believe in you and your missions . . . and am awed by your courage. Thanks for saving my life and countless others.
Posted December 2004
“What a waste to attempt to change behavior without truly understanding the driving needs that cause such behavior!”
― Robert S. McGee, The Search for Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God's Eyes
“People who always want to be happy and pursue it above all else are some of the most miserable people in the world.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries in Marriage
For me, it was because I knew without a doubt that I did not have a relationship with God while I lived the way I wanted to. In the end, I wanted God on his terms and was ready to let go of living on my own terms. And I was in no doubt that while I was in lesbian relationships, he was silent - although I know he was there, loving and looking out for me - but when I surrendered, and walked away from my lesbian life, I re-found my relationship with Jesus and it was mended. And that mattered more to me than anything else. It was an exchange of something less for something better.