Homosexuals Anonymous

Offering Guidance, Fellowship, Care and Freedom

So You Fell. Now What?

We all know that: We've had the best intentions and theoretically we also knew what was right and what we were supposed to do - and yet we fell and had sex. Now what?

Here some points to ponder:

1) Satan always gives us two pairs of glasses: The first one you get bevor you sin, It makes sin look so small it is almost non-existent. The other one you get after you fell. Now sin appears so big you get the impression you really blew it with God this time. He would never forgive you and you would always stay "gay". Remember that both are from the master of lies! Both is wrong!

2) Talk to someone you trust in. Sin always seeks darkness. Do the opposite - bring it to light!

3) A fall usually starts with something like "I only wanted" or "I just wanted to..." ("have a cup of coffee with this gay friend of mine" or something like that). We think this is not a big deal while at the same time knowing all too well that we set ourselves up for a fall. We "only" have a cup of tea in this gay bar and we "just" go to this gay friend's house to take a look at the new furniture... Note: This chain of actions is easiest to stop at the beginning. The further down you go, the harder it will be for you to stop (once you are at his house, the last step is only so far away). 

4) Under what circumstances are you most prone to fall? For some it is boredom, anger, frustration, stress... Once you know all of that you can take the necessary steps in order not to get into this situation to begin with anymore. For example you might want to schedule your week ahead of time so boredom will not even come up.

5) Needs: Many people don't even know what needs they have. Check a list online and think about which ones of them are met and where you still need to take some action. All too often we numb our needs with sex . However, sex does not heal and it does not satisfy all of our needs. So if there is some catching up to do with social needs, go look out for healthy friends (that is friends that bring you closer to your goal).

6) Painkiller: Sometimes we use sex to numb past hurt (like from childhood days or current conflicts). Confront those hurts - if necessary with a therapist!

7) Be brutal! Away with everything that might further a fall (porn, the old address file with sex contacts...)!

8) Goals: Formulate goals! You need to write them down SMART (specific, measurable, acceptable, realistic, terminated). Goals always need to be positive and in present tense. You need to be able to reach them yourself and the must boost your motivation. Picture your goal on a regular basis in your mind and check your senses while you are doing that! What are you smelling, tasting, feeling, hearing when you do that? Like that your neuronal synapses in your brain will start to build and spread which will help you reach you goals. 

9) Resources, potentials: What resources and potentials do you have? Where are your strengths? Where do you still need help and with whom will you ask for it?

10) Self discipline, stress- and frustration tolerance, being able to resist impulsive behavior - make sure you are working on strengthening those necessary skills!

11) Healthy life: This is an absolute must: leading a healthy life in every aspect - healthy food, sports, no drugs (including alcohol!), learning relaxation techniques and a healthy spirituality!